Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
