Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
