fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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