Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
