He asked to "fluff my boner.."
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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