Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
