Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
