Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
