hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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