He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
