it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
where are you?
Hypothermia
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
