Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
