Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
