oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
