so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
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btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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