The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
