There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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