I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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