there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
