She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
