Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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