Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
