i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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