I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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