Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
