You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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