EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
