I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
