He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
