if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
