i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
