he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
