I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
