Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
