wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
