So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
