just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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