What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
