C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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