so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
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Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
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You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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