There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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