I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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