It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
