dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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