Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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