i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
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Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
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Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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