How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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