Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
