McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Actions speak louder than pants.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Drunk is not a location!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
