FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
