No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
