I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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