if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
