if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fuck me I smell like cheese
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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