Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
