I think I won the penis lottery.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
