she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
