I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
