Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
