Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
the raccoons are back...
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