I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
